Surrealist

It’s a rainy l…

Delaney — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 10:47:08 +0000

It’s a rainy lunar new year’s eve. Yes, another day, another chance to reflect and wish for a better year.

Did some spring cleaning of my own last night, and just now. Felt like I haven’t cleaned things in a long while and ended up throwing lots of things. I guess this happens every year, and just shows how we start to value some things less and others, more. And while I throw away all these inanimate objects, similarly, some people have also come into my life and others, sort of just gradually disappear. Memories too. I have kept some for too long, longer than I should have, because some of them ought to be thrown away but I could never bear to let go. Perhaps now is the time.

A few days ago I read something that hit me. And it proved to be true – you can’t possibly make friends with everybody. You’ll die trying. I guess wanting to be nice and making friends with everybody are two different things altogether. Maybe it’s because inside me, I’m hoping that everyone’ll be nice to me so I try to be nice to everyone, and I end up trying too hard. Then I’ll end up neglecting the true friends around me. I’m sort of feeling left out now because sometimes I don’t get invites, or that I’m not told about something. Either that or I’m just being sensitive, and to some extent, possessive. Then again, I don’t wanna be the clingy type, so I never ask and I just stay away for some time. But I’m just afraid that the more I stay away the worse things get. And I don’t want that to happen to every group of friends that I have ):

‘ve got to stop thinking so much. And really clear out my mind for the new year. And resolve to never eat shark’s fin again.

Happy Lunar New Year everybody.

Delaney — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:36:57 +0000

Fucked up week. Seriously.

For the past week I’ve been returning home really late, starving myself by skipping breakfasts and dinners, really need a break.

So much conflicting feelings, a perpetual lack of sleep, and drowning in buckets of pessimism. Occasionally feeling abandoned, or feeling like nobody understands, or else I’m feeling like I owe the world something. And I can’t find anybody to really talk to.

My dad successfully jolted me back into reality by jamming the breaks in the middle of the expressway.

2012

Delaney — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 16:13:19 +0000

Like any other transition into the new year, getting used to writing 2012 is pretty difficult. We’ve spent so much time dating events, memories, things with 2011 that some of us are still living in the previous year. For me, ‘last year’ sort of still refers to 2010, when we just graduated from junior college. I take longer to respond to the change in year, maybe because I’d spent new year’s day abroad and the coming of the new year didn’t really hit me. Or maybe because it didn’t really matter as much anymore. Some how as we grow older and time passes, some things begin to matter less, and others more. Things are happening too fast that I’m having trouble grasping how I’m changing as a person. At times I do reflect on the things I used to do/want to do but don’t bother doing now but I generally let that pass me by. To be honest, 2011 is the fastest year that’s ever happened in my life and I’ve got to agree – time really flies when you’re having fun.

I still remember I had some ideals and fears of the future. Much of those are invalid by now. My attitude towards those has changed, some for the better and some, the worse. Have been thinking about reviving some of those lost feelings but I haven’t got the time and the strength, mentally (or I’m just plain lazy). Feels like every other ambition I harboured has gone to waste except for the ones I’m ~~struggling~~ hoping to fulfil right now.

With that, I realised many unexpected things happened along the way, ones which made me enlightened, relieved, surprised and occasionally disappointed. But most of them made me feel like I’m a very very lucky girl. How I managed to step out of my comfort zone to a certain extent, how I come across great people who are always here for me and how I’ve managed to maintain strong friendships throughout the years till now, how I took that one step to get to wherever I am right now. I think luck has really played a big part in my life, as much as it should not be the case, and it really showed in 2011. Ultimately, I’m just glad to be alive.

In 2012, I really need to grow some self-confidence and the strength to pull through whatever endeavours that I commit myself to. I haven’t been very consistent in that aspect but I do hope the new year will knock some discipline into me, and at the same time grant me some sensibility that I am who I am and that I don’t need to change for anybody else to see.

Let’s see what happened in 2011:

Worked with High Achievers as a part time facilitator, gave tuition.

Results received, application for university.

Dear Grandma passed away peacefully.

Travelled to Hong Kong with the girls in April.

Travelled to Taiwan with family in June.

Travelled to Penang with Ethel in July.

School started in August – camps, lectures, tutorials, mid-terms, table tennis.

Passed my driving test, obtained driving license in August, a day after my birthday.

Friends flew off to UK.

Final exams in November.

Travelled to Taiwan with the team in December.

Received decent results.

Travelled to China with family in December – spent Christmas and New Year’s there.

Pretty happening year I must say. Got to travel around quite a bit, an eye-opening 2011 indeed. Hopefully 2012 can compare to the fantastic year I had. Anticipating the 3 month long break! Haven’t written such a long and meaningful post in a while but it really gave me some peace to calm the terrible day I had. Will write again soon.

Good night.

Delaney — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 16:05:01 +0000

What is wrong with me.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

My life has been generally peaceful until this got me so rattled up I don’t know what is going on any more. Feels like my life doesn’t belong to me, it’s just moving along, leaving me behind in this stupor. Or rather I’m the one who’s unable to move on.

Ignorance is bliss, truly.

OFF TO TAIWAN

Delaney — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 14:02:39 +0000

6 – 13th December.

Caught a flu, hope it won’t bother me for the entire trip :/ Hopefully I can still train omg.

I totally need …

Delaney — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 17:19:41 +0000

I totally need to stop acting like some childish sensitive freak. I think it’s the PMS.

&I haven’t been very productive all day.

&Manchester United tied with Newcastle because some blind referee went to give the go ahead for a penalty that shouldn’t have been.

I should sleep it all away.

Mental preparation

Delaney — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 12:24:10 +0000

Breathe. I need to breathe.

Things are getting unexpectedly stressful and honestly I haven’t prepared myself for this.

I’ll be fine. I’ll just need ice cream everyday

LET US EMBRACE THE EXAMS, no fear! I’ll see you soon

Just poppin’ by

Delaney — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 15:12:32 +0000

Hi Friends,…

I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOVEMBER ALREADY. Geez.

Exams in about less than two weeks. Hoping for the best. See ya after that!!! (Oh I’ll be off to Taiwan ^^)

Sunday’s To-do List #001

Delaney — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 05:51:24 +0000

Had a pretty good week so far. Ate so much good food I think I really need to start working out soon. Just last friday, Ashmina, Emmy and I trained down on the circle line to Holland Veeeellage for Dailyscoop! I always have so much fun crapping with them <3 Then Ashmina and I went to have dinner at Cha cha cha Mexican Restaurant! Reminded me of our econs lesson with Jeanne Lim about Mexican food hehe. The food was awesome and we actually finished off a plate of nachos and a set of tacos each! And we talked about things like Rufus the naked mole rat. Yesterday went to Va va voom (I just realised this trend in restaurant names…) Vietnamese cuisine with the clique minus Claire ): Food was quite okay, I tried the authentic pork chop but should have ordered the Pho instead. Then we went to Nex to catch One Day! Such a pretty movie with pretty pretty settings Gotta love Anne Hathaway.

Anyway I came here to make a list of what I should finish today. I’d better be productive before the Manchester derby later tonight!!!

1) Finish outline for 1101 Essay

2) Finish up 1101 Field Trip Report

3) ESE Tutorial 8

4) 1202 Video Animation

5) ESE Project on Google Docs

Eating Udders Snickers Mars Honey Comb Vanilla now! HAVE TO CUT DOWN ON ICE CREAM AND BUBBLE TEA OMG.

Bye!

Happy 500th post!!!

Delaney — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 09:07:53 +0000

I trashed the emo 500th post. I had to write a new one. Because everyday should be a good day, and my life shouldn’t be ruined by one mere moment of unhappiness

Life’s been treating me well so far, and I’m being very honest here. Sure there are the down parts but I’ve managed to 度过 and survived! For that I have to thank my friends, who are the main reason I am surviving well in uni now. Without them I don’t know what I’d do. They are my source of motivation, the people who keep me going when I’m lagging in my work, the people who pull me up when I’m down, the people whom I can laugh with, people whom I can emo with, I just can’t express my gratitude in words <3

I haven’t been keeping track of what has happened in my blog from the time I last posted a decent post. That was like BEFORE uni started. Orientation had been a blast and I’m so glad I made the decision to sign up for it, albeit having no friends with me initially D: Things went pretty smoothly from there, made many good friends from Bumblebee and we’re still hanging out and all, made another bunch of good friends in BES, and we have so much fun we go crazy everyday. My modules are really really broad, as they had made it out to be. I get the feeling we’re majoring in arts and science at the same time it’s making me schizo but well I think the things we learn are really interesting, and relevant as well. In such a short time I’ve been exposed to so many of the world’s alarming issues which I was too ignorant to bother about in the past, it’s pricking at my conscience :/ But we all learn don’t we? The comforting feeling that I’m headed on the right track just drives me to work harder than before, even without anybody nagging at my ear. I AM HONESTLY GLAD I HAVE NO REGRETS AT ALL. That statement just reminded me of our rj batch song. :’)

So many of my friends have left for overseas to pursue their dreams and I feel so happy and excited for them! Skyped Claire two days ago and glad to hear her chirpy voice. I miss Erica and Clare too ): Even though we may not have been meeting up frequently but them leaving suddenly made me feel the pinch of not being able to see them for years. Okay okay I’ll prolly get to see them when they’re back, OR IF I CAN GO TO UK. Next feb it’ll be Ethel and Pngpng’s turn. Sigh, we’re all growing up so quickly. (cue Never grow up by Taylor Swift) I can’t believe I have lived on this earth for 19 years and counting. THAT’S SO OLD.

Okay I’d better be going back to my work. Enjoy the weekends everybody! ~

(Just to make the 500th word) ^^