Disillusioned

I hate it when this happens to me. There is an influx of events in my life such that I have to return to my blog every hour minute and second to rant. It is the month of Massive Spammage.

It has come to a point where I really really don’t know what I’m living for already. I mean like, yeah I have my friends and family and my lovely house, my school that I’m not exactly cut out for…what else? If people see this they’d be yelling in their heads for me to count my blessings, but then again,…

I have to interrupt my own thoughts and admit here, that some things have been distracting me since God knows when. I just thought about it and realised, for the past few months, I’ve been trying to live up to some kind of expectation I’ve set for myself that I assume others have set for me. Okay that just doesn’t make any sense but then today, this sharp realisation hit me so hard. I don’t have aims for myself. All my claims of not living my own life were but superficial, I never did put much thought into it. The inherent meaning to adolescence perhaps; not knowing what’s in stall for you or what you really want ultimately. (Alright, I’m confused :/)

College life is that short – You turn away for a second and it just flashes by. But honestly, I can’t experience the cruelty of time until everything passes by.

&I won’t be able to be at peace until I get to talk to somebody real and responsive about this. Blogging is not the best option after all.

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