Tdy’s 选拔 made me feel evermore demoralised. Should’ve just pulled out; could have saved me some effort and made me feel better about myself. Then agn, sometimes i need to know where I stand, I wouldn’t get so much disappointment. But srsly despite that I still felt I was underperforming; okay I’ll shut up now or else I’ll start giving excuses. Yiyun and Wanxiu came for trg tdy, haven’t seen them in ages. Then I remember how I used to feel even more pathetic about myself. Things are better I guess and I should be glad that there are awesome people in my team ❤ grateful for the things you have; hopeful for the things you don't.
This is an ardous journey to walk ): like walking on a slippery slope, every one attempt to climb higher I fall back a little more. I've felt like I've come a long way but I look back and it hasn't been much of a tangible distance. It's all but an emotional climb. From now, I'll pen the raw thoughts and process them in action, rather than writing about delusionary stuff that doesn't make a difference. Yeh, need to change.