I really really have nothing to say. I’m speechless, at a loss for words, just name it. I’m really beginning to wonder if it’s just me or there’s really a problem with it. It’s so complicated. I thought I kind of settled down today, because I was patient with myself, patient with my sister, patient with people around me and I packed my things in some sort of unnerving calmness that unbefitting someone who is going to take the A levels right in about one plus week’s time. Then after that something happened, which totally felt like a bucket of cold water over my head. I’m still recovering from that strange shock but I have this queasy, uncomfortable feeling in me.

So many things just happened over a span of one evening that made me think so much, much more than I ever did in ages.And “why?” has got to be the perpetual question of the century. I think I’m too conservative or rigid about things, or that I have been slamming people who do such things to the point that I really cannot see myself doing it. I’m quite aware that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill but I really cannot help it, or rather I’m being overly sensitive. I really don’t wanna have to do things this way you know, but I’m so afraid of offending people that it just gets to me so bad. I have to keep it to myself, and try to look like I’m accepting it but I feel darn fake. I feel like shit. Seriously. I don’t think I can sleep tonight but I ought too. In fact I should have been asleep a few hours ago. Things like this shouldn’t be happening now.

At the end of the day, I’ll probably just conclude with “maybe it’s just me”. Bitte, zum schlafen.


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