Wow, what can I say? I’m finally getting into the rhythm of life in 2011.

I’m like my maid’s assistant right now, and I’m looking after my granny, makes me feel really proud and all 😀 I cooked lemon chicken and fried vegetables today, and studied Korean, but I still feel like I’m vegetating for most of the day. When you have too much time, you tend to waste more of it away, it’s all in the math…proportions, proportions. How do I put it…hmm, it’s like the household expenditure of a rich family vs the poor family, the MPC of the rich is less than that of the poor. Yes.

I need to get out of the house more frequently, but that’ll mean a higher outflow of money. We’re going into negative here, since I haven’t received my pay and all. I totally need to start a countdown to payday. Now I can finally understand for myself why the word payday sounds so exciting to people.

Recently, there’s been a lot of talk on my future course of action. Thank you everybody, I understand your concerns but I can’t help feeling stressed up. I’m already worrying about how D-day will be like. Come D-day, I will feel out of this world, for different reasons I’d never expect. Good or bad, I’ll have to leave it to fate D: It’s really scary, and very simply, it scares me. Even if you’d been prepared or had so much confidence in yourself during the exams, nobody in the right mind would not be feeling scared..Unless of course, you live with overflowing optimism which oozes out of your bright eyes that say, “I’m ready, come what may!!!” I’d like to live this way, of course, but it’s not me, not my personality, as much as I hate to admit.

Peace, peace. It’s 0045HR and if I scare myself further I’ll probably not be able to fall asleep till much later. I always comfort myself using this idea about us being so small, so insignificant as compared to the universe. Your fate isn’t exactly intertwined with the world’s fate such that if you fail at something, the whole world fails with you. But the world is there to hold you up when you fail, cuz it’s simply too big to fail (TBTF). So what’s a little failure in your life gonna do to you? Sure, if you fail, the consequences may seem larger than life (TO YOU), but what’s it to the world? Just realised I’m speaking in negatives. So I suppose failures aren’t the only things we should concern ourselves with. They’re things that make us realise what are the real things to be concerned about. I had this really really enlightening talk to my aunt just a few days ago, and when I say enlightening I really mean it. We were conversing about my cousin initially, because I felt that since I started to tutor him, I should be responsible for reporting to his mum about his progress (however little it may have been for now) and so the conversation kinda developed into a talk about Christ, Christianity, accepting the faith and bits and pieces of my aunt’s experience. I never saw her in that light before, and I was so taken aback by some of her revelations. And it sort of broadened my horizons, and straightened my thinking, somehow, or rather affirmed myself of my own opinions. She wasn’t trying to get me to accept Christ right that instant, and I did tell her of how I needed some form of calling before I do so, and I was thinking there and then that a religion does work in miraculous ways. It heals souls, mends broken relationships, and glues a family back together, although vulnerable but still together. It’s a common belief, so strong, so beautiful that maintains a religion hundreds of years. I learn from the sidelines too. Someday, perhaps I may consider. Not now. Though I’d thank this God for helping me learn through my aunt.

We learn everyday.


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