Time

I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately. You know, the kind of talk where you just sit somewhere, pour your heart out, clean and honest. I’m so glad there’s always people there for me. As much as I enjoy my alone time, it feels really comforting to share some things face to face, whether you bare that little part of your soul, reveal some emotions kept hidden for a long time, or basically just ranting about life. I wasn’t someone who would be willing to speak about personal things very often but I’ve really come to appreciate how this thing called HTHT magically helps to lift this burgeoning burden off your shoulders. Then today something struck me. Out of all the conversations I’ve had, there was this idea always resonating amidst the dialogue, almost always said with a sigh, deflated and with a heavy sense of resignation – that we’re getting old.

Don’t people only call themselves old when they hit 50 or something…Like c’mon we barely hit 21 and this is what we start to yak about, the quarter-life crisis. Well, turning 21 is a pretty valid concern. For one, it’s when most of us start to acknowledge a transition. Our vision is no longer fixated on studies alone, but whether or not they’ll be a job for us when we graduate, whether we’ll be able to survive out there on our own. Suddenly everything becomes so real. I’m starting to feel pretty scared myself as I type this.

I always tell myself to take one step at a time. Like how my prof likes to say “We’ll cross the bridge when we get there”. Oh yeah sure sounds good. We always say, progress takes time, growth takes time, healing from hurt takes time, but the truth is nobody has that luxury of time. It’s so easy to use time as an excuse, or something to comfort ourselves with. I don’t know, half our lives spent waiting for something that we aren’t sure is going to happen or not knowing how it’s going to turn out. Maybe that’s why some people are constantly on the go, striving for something, wanting more, always challenging time in a race that never ends until their life is up. They don’t want to wait for time to show them progress nor help them heal, they just keep at it until they get what they want. Then again there are others who spent their lives trying so hard only to regret not having slowed a single moment to enjoy life as it is. So just what is it?

There is so much irony in life I’m reeling in confusion at the moment. Does not help that some things are bugging me at the back of my mind. I need 高球 therapy right now.

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